4 posts tagged “depressed”

It's a good thing my once best friend isn't fucking my ex-girlfriend or else I would be really lonely and depressed today. It's also a good thing that they're both great at considering other people's feelings and aren't insensitive, self-righteous assholes.

Oh wait.

I don't know if it's good or bad that I actually feel worse about missing free pancake day at IHoP Tuesday.

I'm on my neighbor's unsecured wireless internet right now. I'm not sure why either. I guess mostly because I can. I've been toying with the idea of setting up a WEP key on it because they left the username and password on the router as the default, so I can get into their settings. I don't think I will though, or if I do, it'll just be for a day or so. I think I'm mostly going to use their connection to torrent, so that the internet at the house isn't slowed down during the day (Kayla uses the internet for class). I guess they don't have a printer in their house, or at least only have it set up to be used with one computer, because I never see one online. If they ever slip up though, I'll print some stuff off over there to mess with them.

I really need to write a paper for English, but I just don't feel motivated to do it. I've lost a lot of motivation to do anything lately. I've been in a funk since the break-up and I just can't seem to get free from it (see: music video). Of course, some recent events haven't really helped any with that. Although I have tried to put all of that behind me, so as not to jeopardize my longstanding friendships, I still can't help but to have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind of how I was stabbed in the back. However, like the majority of feelings, I just try to bury them as deep as I can, so as to be able to carry on with everyday things. After all of that though, I'm left feeling emotionally and physically drained and I just can't muster the motivation to do much of anything, except steal my neighbor's internet of course.

I've been reading A Separate Piece, by John Knowles for English, and it's actually pretty good. Well, maybe it's just good. There's not much excitement to it, but I guess it's a good read about being a 16 year old boy and having a best friend, which I was at point and had. I can draw some parallels to it, but a lot of times the narrator's admiration of his best friend, at least in the earlier chapters of the book, seem to come off with almost homosexual undertones. I'm only five chapters in, but I guess I'll see how it turns out.

Well, after having my heart dipped in shit*, looks like I'm back on my own. Kind of sucks, but I guess if I'm such a terrible burden, then I'm better off letting someone else lead a happy and fulfilling life at my own expense. I guess the silver lining to all of this is that I ended going on a two mile walk, so that's at least good for something. Although, it didn't help my imagination to walk around the corner and see her car at my friend's house after only an hour of us breaking up. I seriously doubt anything was going on, but you've got to admit, in that situation given her previous track record I think I was entitled to entertain some ideas for at least a brief period of time.

It's kind of funny how it was so easy for her to give up on, what I thought was, a serious relationship. And she calls me lazy. I hate to be a dick about it, but I guess it's in my nature. This is just one of my signs of grief.

I guess I'm not only angry at her though. I'm more angry at myself for letting this happen. I'm sure if I had a car, a job, and some spending money, this all could have been avoided. If I even had a bike I would just bite the bullet and get a job at fucking Winn-Dixie if I could. Oh well. I guess it's too late for that now though.

On the bright side, I don't have to end my posts/comments with "-Jon" now.

-Jon

*a reference to "The Heist" by The Lonely Island